Introduction
It dawned on me recently that I should publish my philosophy... how I see things. I have told a few people about it, but not everyone. My philosophy is core to how I think, how I experience my life and the world around me, and who I am.
In August of 2000 I took a counseling position in a rural Nevada school district. I dealt with the problems and conflicts of the students and teachers in the schools, I quickly learned that I could not depend on them to tell me the truth. Sometimes they just lied, sometimes they were mistaken, many times they just saw things differently than everyone else. Two people could be involved in the the same event, in the same room, and their stories of that event would not match. I began to question whether I ever really heard the truth.
This began a self-examination of everything I thought I knew. I discovered that in any empirical sense, I knew very little if anything. I became unsettled and disoriented. I felt that I was lost without any reliable navigational system. I was not sure who I was, where I was, or where I should be going. About all I could say was the I was here, now.
I used to be so sure of everything, and I would share that certainty, that knowledge with anyone; now I was not sure of anything. The solid ground I once stood on had eroded into sand. I used to be a "Knower," now I am at best a "believer."
In the next few posts I will present the conclusions that I could make after pulling everything out of the closets of my mind and really looking at them in the light of personal experience, evidence, and reason. I do not claim to be right, or original in my thinking, but I will tell you that I have built my philosophy from the ashes of my previous certainty.
Metaphysics
What I think reality is the foundation that I use to build my worldview. I have had many ideas about the nature of reality, I have backed away from them as I sought to free myself from anything imaginary. Without the imagined, using only my own observations, I am left with a simple view of reality:
Reality is what it is.
I don't make too many more claims... Reality may be infinite, but everything in it is finite. Everything in reality is imperfect, but seems to work. Everything is complex, connected, and interrelated. Everything is dynamic, constantly changing. Other than that, reality is a mystery to me.
And... I am what I am.
I am finite, mortal. I am imperfect, human. I am complex, connected and related to many, if not everyone else. I am dynamic, constantly changing. And I am a mystery to myself.
Imagination is not reality... but can be realized.
For a time I tried to sort out everything that was imagined from what was real. Reality is like a sterile desert landscape, while the imagination creates lush gardens and jungles for the mind. I have heard it said that plants and animals live in reality, but humans have added their imaginations to reality. I have to concede that without our imaginations we would never solve any problems. We could only evolve solutions to problems. Our large brains, with wildly rich imaginations have made us "human," and upon the foundation of our imaginations we have built our civilization.
Reality is what it is, I am what I am, and I have the ability to escape reality with my mind.
Not Knowing
Over many months of thinking I teased out six basic tenets of my philosophy. Now I warn you that just reading the list, they will sound very negative.
I do not know.
I do not hear or tell the truth.
I am not special.
I am wrong.
Nothing is perfect.
It does not matter.
My first conclusion after examining everything I "knew," was that I really didn't know anything.
Every experience I have had in life has been filtered through my senses, my neurology, my psychology, my language, and my culture. I can only interpret my sensory input, I cannot actually know. (see the TV series, Brain Games...) Practically, I can see, hear, taste, and touch things, but only the surfaces of those things. I am completely cut off from the thoughts of others, relying on what I hear and understand them to say.
I can say that I know the 2+2=4, and a lot of other "facts" that I learned in school, but most of those things are human concepts that we created to describe reality. These concepts tend to be abstractions, generalizations, or labels we have put on things. They are imaginary like the border between two states... there is no real line drawn in the sand.
Then I can take everything I know (k) and divide it by everything that is real (R). I believe that reality (R) may be infinite, at least it is incomprehensibly huge, and it is dynamic, always changing. So, what I know, which is finite, divided by infinity is equal to zero... or approaches zero. I comparatively know nothing.
So, I am out of touch with reality... the label we put on someone who is out of touch with reality is "psychotic." I am psychotic, but that's OK, it really normal.
Not knowing, I can imagine. I can believe. I can hope. I can perceive.
The world, I now notice is full of "Knowers." They are certain, sure, and they are always right. (They also are eager to tell others what to do.) I am not one of them; at best, I am a "believer."
Without Truth
If I don't know, how can I tell the truth?
I define Truth as the accurate representation and communication of Reality. I do not know how to do it. First, I cannot know Reality. I have too many limitations and filters to my perceptions to ever claim to know reality. If I do not know anything, how can I tell anyone the truth? I also find that as soon as have had an experience the memory of that experience begins to fade. I lose many details, remembering only what is important to me. The memory is distorted.
Second, communication requires coding that can be transmitted across the distance between two "stations." The most common coding and transmission system is the spoken word with attendant body language, facial expressions, and hand gestures. We have also developed the written word, which is really not the same as the spoken word, more static, and open for interpretation. Communication requires ideas first be conceived, then coded, transmitted, decoded, and re-conceived. It is a system that is full of errors. It is no wonder that two people misunderstand each other so often. Our language may not allow us to accurately represent Reality. That is one reason a picture is worth a thousand words, and "you just had to be there." Reading the New Testament, I have found that Jesus never actually describes the Kingdom of God, but alludes to it in parables. It may be that our languages did not allow Him to accurately represent God, Heaven, or Hell to us.
Third, I have biases, and I have personal agendas. I usually have a reason to tell a story. I want to make a point, to entertain, to persuade, or to hide my guilt. I believe that I always "spin" the stories I tell to fit the purpose I have in the conversation. I am not telling the truth if I am trying to sell someone something.
The more I looked at Truth, the less I could claim to actually speak. I do not tell the truth. I tell others my beliefs and my opinions. I tell stories.
And so do others. I do not expect anyone to have a greater grasp of reality than I have. Everyone else has the same limitations of perception, conception, and communication that I have. We are all struggling to put into words what we have learned by experience in this life, in this world. Two people can be standing together, shoulder to shoulder, see and hear the same things, and have different experiences. Sadly, some of us are mistaken, some are mislead, misguided, some simply misunderstand... and some of us lie. In stead of truth, we seem to have rhetoric. I do not have to believe anyone, and I do not believe everyone... especially those with agendas: government officials, salesmen, politicians, religious preachers, scientists, teachers, doctors, etc.
I note that I am very metaphorical. I tend to visualize what I learn into models of nature. I tend to put concepts into images of the weather, of mountains, of rivers, or of my garden or my home. I will be more than happy to give you my opinion and the reasons I have for that opinion, but I will never tell you that it is the truth. I try to be honest, but I do not speak or hear the truth.
I Am Not Special
I believe that I am unique. My genes, inherited from my parents and my ancestors, have been recombined in a new arrangement through the marvel of sexual reproduction. My environment, my family, my education, all my experiences have created me as a unique individual, but does that make me special? I have the fortune of being born an American, white, and male. I also sense that everything is around me; I am at the center of everything that I perceive. I am at the center of my universe. Does that make me special?
On a bell curve, any of my attributes is pretty average, within one standard deviation of the mean. I am average; I am normal.
My actual thinking about this was the question: do I have more of a right to God's blessings than anyone else on this planet? Should my prayers be listened to more than those of a child in Somalia? Or now with the current news, do I have more of a right to a home, to peace and security than a Syrian refugee?
I am very fortunate. I enjoy many privileges and benefits that seem to be my birthright. But, I do not merit my birth, I did not earn it. And for me to say that I merit all the benefits of my birthright is arrogance in the face of all my brothers and sisters on Earth.
Do I have a right to life? Then why will I one day die? The cancer cell, the virus, the bacteria, or the blunt force of a car crash all testify that I do not have the right to life. I could not walk down the street in Syria, Iraq, or Afghanistan with any assurance of life or liberty. I dare say that I could not walk in certain places here in America with total assurance of my right to life.
Do I have a right to liberty? Then why do I often feel compelled to be and stay in a particular place when I do not want to be there? Do I have a right to health? Then why am I subjected to illness? Do I have a right to free speech? Then why am I afraid to speak my mind? Why am I afraid of others reactions to this very blog post? Do I have the right to happiness? Then why does depression seem to run in my family? If I were special, wouldn't I granted what I wanted and needed?
From experience I learned that I was not special. I used to think I had all the answers, now I do not believe that. I used to think there was a natural order of people in our society with the "better" ones on top. I thought that our leaders were smarter, wiser, more spiritual, better than me; but as I became privy to the hierarchy of a few organizations, I found that the people on the top were not any smarter than the rest of us. They were just on top. They were not special, just as I was not special.
Not being special means that I am human. I truly share this life and this world with all my brothers and sisters. It means that my experiences will resonate with others. It means that I can understand others, and others can understand me. I have moved from my individualistic view of myself to a more democratic view, I am very much like everyone else. I am me, but I am just one of billions living and breathing, sharing so much.
I am not special. I am your brother.
I Am Wrong.
This is, admittedly, a paradoxical statement.
To be right, I must know reality, perceive all the options and be able to select the right one. I have to know what is right and choose to act accordingly. But, I don't know much of anything; I do not speak or hear the truth. So, I cannot claim to be right about anything. If I am right about anything, it was just dumb luck!
I am wrong.
But, since I am not special, everyone else is just as wrong as I am. I am OK with that.
When this realization came to me, I just laughed. A great burden was suddenly lifted from me. I was wrong and that was OK. I didn't have to be right all the time. I am now free to explore everything, to create anything, and not worry about whether it was right or wrong or good enough. I didn't have to take myself so seriously all the time. Of course it was wrong! How could it be right? I don't know everything. Of course I am going to make mistakes. And that is OK. That is what repentance is for; that is what apologies are for. "Excuse me, my mistake." Being wrong is really what makes me human.
Now, I will say that I am really good at obeying rules. I sit still in my chair, raise my hand to talk, stand in line without pushing others, drawing within the lines, etc. I try to be kind to others, empathetic. I pay my dues, taxes, and tithing. I don't drive over the speed limit (any more). I obey the law, follow the rules, and adhere to policy. I honor my contracts with others, and I try to keep my word. I am good at following the norms, mores, and conventions of society. And I probably still try to be right. But, I don't believe I can.
I am wrong.
Nothing Is Perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
This is more of an metaphysical, empirical observation than a philosophical tenet, but I am reminded of it every time set out to do anything. Expecting things to be just so is frustrating.
I have been taught in school and in church to strive for perfection. While it is relatively easy to get 100% on a quiz, it is much more difficult, if not impossible, to write the perfect story. I have found the whole concept of perfection to be the greatest enemy to my own endeavors than any other idea. I have observed people striving for the impossible... perfection, and it robs them of joy and pleasure. And, finally, in nature I have looked and never found the perfect stone, the perfect leaf, or the perfect creature. I finally came to abandon the whole idea of perfection. I don't believe it exists.
Perfection is a human abstraction, a concept, like pi. Pi may exist in mathematical calculations, but it does not actually exist in the real universe. There are only approximations of pi. Perfection is the same. In reality there are some amazing performances, unbelievable creations, and awe inspiring actions, but upon closer inspection, none of them are perfect. That is why critics will always have job security. And that is why I accept the Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi, and accept the transience and imperfection of everything. I will never draw a perfectly straight line... and I am OK with that. I will never be the perfect son, brother, husband, or father... and I am OK with that too.
Recognizing that nothing is perfect means that there are no perfect solutions to problems. There will be consequences to everything I do. I must be prepared to correct errors the best I can, and then correct those errors in my corrections. I also can find great joy in "good enough." My creations are often rough and amateurish, but they serve their purpose well enough, and I can be happy with that.
Nothing is perfect. In an evolutionary or eternal progression view, there is always something that I can improve. I am never really done. At any point I can say it is good enough, for now. Tomorrow I may do a little bit better. I can and will try to be a little bit better, but
I will also remember...
Nothing is perfect.
It Doesn't Matter
It doesn't matter.
In a few years I will die... no prophecy here, but surely within the next 50 years, and I am being generous with my life expectancy. A thousand years from now there may be very little if any evidence that I have ever existed. A few billion years from now the sun will expand and swallow this planet. Eventually, the universe will end in heat death or a Big Crunch... In historical, geological, or cosmological contexts, what I do doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
OK, let's look at what religion says. I am a child of God and He loves me very much. Jesus sacrificed Himself for me. To return that love, I live His laws and trust in His grace. In a few years I will die. My spirit will enter its reward or penalty, but the test of this life will be over and my existence will continue in the new, eternal phase. I will be resurrected and either return to God's Presence where all my life's sorrows, pains and struggles will be gone; or I will suffer for eternity and all me joys and pleasures of life will be gone. A thousand years from now, will I be concerned about what I did today? A million years from now will I still be beating myself up over some social faux pas? Will I still be sorry I didn't make a million dollars? Will I regret not having changed the world? Will I care if my life is not chronicled in high school history books? No.
It doesn't matter.
And then if I look at my life in perspective of the nearly 7.4 billion lives on Earth just now, I am not that important.
It doesn't matter.
It is humbling to realize that what I think, say, or do doesn't matter. Again, I learn to not take myself so seriously. It's OK to laugh at myself. It's OK to try and fail, to make mistakes. It's OK to be wrong sometimes. And, it's OK to let things go even if I think I am right. Knowing that in the long run...
It doesn't matter.
I have only here and now. Here and now, in this tiny, human context of my life, everything I do matters very much, to me and to those around me. I must love here and now. I must live here and now. I must be here and now. I have no guarantees, no promises, no contracts, no rights to anything beyond this moment or beyond my own reach. I am grateful for what I have, for my life here and now. Everything else...
It doesn't matter.
Imagine.
When I started my self-examination of everything I "knew" I committed myself to a search for reality. I wanted to know. I wanted the truth. But I found that in the absence of knowledge, I would just make things up. I would imagine answers to questions, solutions to problems, and visions of things beyond my view. The problem was that reality seemed to me to be stark, harsh, and barren as the Sahara. Every oasis turned out to be delightfully imaginary. I fought this for some time until I realized that our imagination was one of the key character traits we humans share. We imagine!
It has been said, and I believe, that animals live in reality, humans live in an enhanced reality created by our imaginations. We have the realities of our lives, our births, our struggles and triumphs, our health and sicknesses, our family, friends, and our enemies. We have the fortunate and unfortunate accidents, the weather, the seasons, the climate, and the geology and geography of our lives. We have the sky above us and the Earth beneath us. And over all this we imagine. We have stories, visions, art, music, science, and religion. We can see the reality of problems and imagine the solutions to them before we have actually created them. We have design, engineering, and planning. We create ideals, imagining a perfect world that may never be, but we continue to strive for it. We imagine justice for all, peace, love, and faith. We use our imaginations to look into the dark, to look beyond the here and now to a brighter tomorrow, and into the eternities beyond. We imagine!
Compared to Reality, our imagination is a rich fertile jungle, castles in the clouds, trees of life and knowledge. And many of our imagined things have been "realized." We live in the sky, fly in the stratosphere, have gone to the moon and peered into space and into the very foundations of the universe. We can travel much faster than humanly possible. We can cure diseases that killed millions before. We can turn on lights in our homes with the flip of our fingers, and then watch events from around the world in our evening news. We have libraries in the palms of our hands, and can see and talk to friends and loved ones around the world in real time. All because we imagine!
For billions of years reality was what existed, as I have said: Reality is what it is. Reality was what we had to endure. We simply had to live with it. We imagined a better world, but it was never within reach. A better place was only found after we left this world. We had to surrender to reality, and die, before we could actually find the world we imagined. But now we are actually creating and recreating reality. We have the power to create a heaven on earth. We can imagine it, we can build it, if we have the will to do it.
For a brief time I wanted to abandon the imagined to find reality, but found that I couldn't and I really didn't want to live in just the real world. I imagined too much more. The imagined is not reality, but it could be.
Imagine!
(Post script: In mathematics I learned how useful imaginary numbers were... there are many problems that can't be solved without them!)
Personal and Social Implications
So, my six basic tenets are:
I don't know.
I neither speak nor hear the truth.
I'm not special.
I'm wrong.
Nothing is perfect.
It doesn't matter.
Social Implications:
But I really want to know, to hear the truth, to be important, to be right, to see perfection around me, and I want to matter in this world. I want all these... and people know that and use that against me.
Advertising uses this all the time to sell their products to me. "This [product] is the real thing!" "[Doctors] all agree." "You deserve this!" "This right for you." "The perfect fit!" "This is important to you and your family!"
Politicians use my desires to get my vote. "We all know this policy will ruin our nation." "[The President] is misguided..." "I will make America great again!" "We have been following the wrong trail for the last eight years..." "This party has the answers to our country's problems." "I need your vote in November!"
The political parties promise me that if I join them: I will be part of the real solutions to our nations problems, I will hear only the truth, I will be a great American, I will be on the right side of the national debate, and that I will matter.
Religion, at least Christianity, points out that everything I have discovered about myself and the world I live in is the result of the Fall of Adam. The church then promises me that if I repent and obey its teachings I will know, I will have the fullness of the Gospel, the Truth, I will be saved in the Kingdom of God, a covenant person, that God personally hears and answers my prayers, that I will grow and progress from precept to precept until I am perfected in Christ, and be numbered in the Book of Life as a good and faithful servant of God. The church completely fills every flaw, gap, and deficiency of my humanity.
Schools, employers, governments all promise me rewards of knowledge, information, benefits and privileges, status, and position if I do what I am told, and do my job.
The reason these tactics work so well is that no one knows any more than anyone else, but we all want to know. We all want to hear the truth, feel important and special. We all want to be right. In the absence of real knowledge, we will pretend to know, and play a game that becomes real to us, and very serious. And we will follow anyone who can convince us that he can give us our most profound desires. And they give us what we want for a price: obedience, financial support, etc.
I have to be very careful not to step out of line, or break any of the rules to the game. If I disagree with those who know, they will try to make me feel that I am wrong, misinformed, stupid, or lying, and will put me in my place (less important). I see this in every organization (every game I have played). But, wait! I already acknowledge that I do't know... so how can they really put me down? As Job declared his peers: "What ye know, the same do I know also: I am not inferior unto you." (Job 13: 2.)
My Personal Manifesto: I am me! Even if I do not step out of line, I am here because I choose to be here with you. I choose to be here, now for my own reasons, in spite of your acceptance or your threats of rejection. I am here, now!
Psychology. I believe that many of my frustrations, stress and distress come from holding on to imagined expectations and desires (like my plans and schedules) in the face of a very different Reality. I react with anger, fear, and a host of psychological, physiological and social problems. I have remind myself that Reality is what it is, and I can just accept it and go with the flow.
I believe that I am out of touch with reality (psychotic) and that is OK and normal. I become stressed or distressed if I do not want, or do not enjoy, what I am experiencing. I am self-destructive if I am distressed and do nothing to avoid the stress or correct the problems I am experiencing. I am imprisoned or enslaved if I can do nothing to avoid or correct my frustrations.
The solution my personal psychological issues include three fundamental steps (that I may need help taking): first, accept reality (it is what it is) and myself (I am what I am) with all our flaws and limitations. This first step often effectively works to relieve the stress. Second, acknowledge my choices and their consequences. I have to remind myself that I chose this situation, I am doing (or did) what I want. And finally, to discover the choices I still have and make the best choice I can. I am not a prisoner or slave...
Decisions: Decisions are always made with insufficient information. We have enough information we would be compelled to act in a certain way; there would be nothing to decide. Decisions are always made emotionally. Emotions trump reason, we can always make up reasons for what we do after we decided to do them.
My Personal Search for Meaning. As I have observed Reality seems to be very complex with everything interrelated in a vast network of cause and effect. Nothing is completely spontaneous or random, there is always cause and effect, a set of reasons for the existence of anything. We can always ask what, how, where and why. Nothing exists in isolation; everything interacts with something else. And everything acts or functions in a certain way; we can predict its behavior and the outcome of any event.
I am a part of that web of relationships. I am here, now, as I am for reasons. I interact with others and have as much impact on them as they do on me. I function, act, and behave in predictable ways that reveal to others who and what I am. Just get to know me! I make myself visible through the things I do and say.
I move and pile rocks. I dig holes in the ground. I plant trees and seeds. I chop wood. I build things. I take pictures and write poetry. I play roles given to me in many games: son, brother, husband, father, grandfather, friend, etc.
There... I believe, I imagine, I play, I create, I love, I hope... I am what I am; I am me.
Another Manifesto: I don't have to know everything. I don't have to believe everything you tell me. I don't have to prove anything. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to do what you think I have to do. I don't have to be anything, but myself!
My Epistemology
All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest... The Boxer, Simon & Garfunkel.
Epistemology is the investigation of knowledge, of how we know what we know. I have already said that I know nothing... or almost nothing; but that does not let me off the hook, does it? I believe that in the absence of knowing, I do what everyone else does, I accept as truth whatever I want, for whatever reason.
Some of my peers have an epistemology that weighs faith heavily, and they "know" their scriptures are true. They tend to rely on the Holy Ghost to tell them what is true or false. Others weigh empirical evidence heavily and call themselves skeptics. They want evidence. I tend to be a skeptic.
I accept as "real" what ever I experience that conforms to past experiences. If I see, hear, touch, smell, or taste something that I can relate to form past experiences, I will trust my senses and accept the experience as being real. And if I think I see something, I must have the additional experience of seeing it again, and hopefully for a long time so that I can make the mental connections to my previous experiences.
If someone comes to me with a claim of some sort, to "know" or to have a justifiable belief in that "fact," I follow the following informal rules.
I listen... carefully.
I ask the following questions:
How do you know? (which a very impolite question)
What evidence do you have? (Can I see it? Are there 2+ reliable witnesses?)
Does this make sense? Does it fit with my own experiences?
Why are you telling me this? What do you want from me? (If they want me to buy something... that is a red flag.)
Then I judge the claims according to my values.
In the end, to be honest, I believe what I want to believe.
My Ethics and Morals
There are many theories of ethics, what the good life should be, or how to decide between right and wrong. I grew up with the standards of my family, school, peers, religion, and society at large. I thought there was a universal standard of conduct, but as I matured and looked objectively around me at everyone's behavior, I found that much of what I was taught to be "good" was not actually practiced. Every rule, every law, and every commandment seemed to have exceptions and loopholes. Our collective ethics seemed to be situational ethics. Everyone did what ever he or she thought was right at the time.
I believe there is a ladder of "imperatives." Physically, I must have the space I occupy. I must have a set of conditions present to exist. Biologically, as a living organism, my imperative is to survive as long as I can, and to thrive as long as I can, so that I can reproduce. Pyschologically, I need stimulation; I need to learn to have experiences and interpersonal relationships. Socially, I must feel safe, loved and befriended.
For me "good" is what ever allows me to have existence, allows me to survive and thrive, with healthy experiences and relationships. "Evil" either threatens or deprives me of those things. Notice that I have only stated that "good" is for me alone; "greater good" would allow not only me to live a healthy, secure life, but everyone else too. I am good if I secure my own welfare. I am even better if I work to secure others' welfare too. I know that ethics gets far more complicated than this... but this is the core: fulfill the imperatives.
On the social level, I believe I have a contract with every person I meet, even if it for only a second. That contract is that neither of us will violate or threaten each other's life, health, security, or welfare. On my part, I add that I will be cheerful and friendly to them, and will assist the other person if assistance is needed.
All that said, I believe that I have either free will or the illusion of free will to be able to make my own choices. I believe that I choose (within limits) what I can and will do. I also believe that every action has its accompanying consequences. So, here is a Binary Ethics:
If I choose X, what will happen? (or if I chose X, what happened?)
Is that what I want?
if yes, then continue,
if no, stop. (and apologize, etc. if needed.)
And for a more Qualitative, Sliding Scale Ethics:
Do I want more or less of this?
Again, I look at the consequences to myself ("good") or to everyone around me too ("greater good").
I choose to do what I want to do, and then must live with the consequences. I can be totally egocentric, or I can be empathetic and social. I choose.
In Summary
I have constructed a personal philosophy by examining what I have believed ("knew") with what I observed from my own experience. I wanted to know what was real and true and to live my live according to that knowledge.
I came to the conclusion that REALITY is beyond my perception and comprehension, but I believe that it is very big, maybe infinite, very complex, and dynamic, always changing. I came to a similar conclusion about myself: I am finite, but very complex and dynamic. And that I am here, now.
I then concluded, after a lot of self-examination and the best observations and reasoning that I could do, that:
I do not know...
I neither speak the truth or hear the truth...
I am not special; I am just like everyone else...
I am wrong...
I am not perfect; nothing is...
In the long run, and in the big picture, it doesn't matter...
I know that my philosophy may be shallow; I have not waded too far into the deep waters of philosophical discussion. In fact I am aware that I have purposely stepped back from many difficult issues. I just am not that strong of a swimmer to get in over my head. This is what I have done. This works for me.
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